What is Relationship Violence?

Relationship Violence, also know as Intimate Partner Voilence, or as Domestic Abuse occurs in approximately 30 to

40% of GLBT relationships, which is the same percentage of violence that occurs in straight relationships. It is a myth

that same-sex couples don't batter each other, or if they do; they are just "fighting" or it is "mutual abuse".

Domestic abuse is always about power and control. One partner intentionally gains more and more power over his/ her

partner. Tactics can include physical, emotional or verbal abuse, isolation, threats, intimidation, minimizing, denying,

blaming, coercion, financial abuse, or using children or pets to control your behavior.

Domestic violence runs in a cycle. Typically, things are wonderful at the beginning of the relationship. Gradually, tension

starts to build. Finally, an act of violence occurs. This may be verbal or physical. The victim is shocked. The relationship

then moves into the "honeymoon" phase. The abuser is remorseful and attentive, and the victim wants to believe the

abuse was an isolated incident. Again, the tension gradually builds until another violent act occurs. The longer the cycle goes on, the closer together the acts of violence happen.

* Information provided by Rainbow Domestic Violence

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Members of the GLBT community need to know the traits of an abusive relationship. Domestic violence includes (but is not limited to):

• Physical abuse (such as hitting, slapping, biting, and choking);
• Sexual abuse (such as forcible rape and/or forced genital contact);
• Emotional abuse (deliberately causing a partner to feel ashamed, guilty, humiliated, etc.);
• Threats and intimidation (such as threatening to kill, injure, or “out” a partner);
• Isolation (such as keeping a partner from seeing friends and family, cutting off outside contacts, etc.); and
• Economic abuse (such as controlling or limiting a partner’s access to money, to work, etc.).

If a partner has used or attempted to use any of these tactics on you, you are probably in an abusive relationship.

Fortunately, resources exist to help you and to help you get out of the abusive relationship.

Get Help

According to the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Washington, DC, and 30 states (California, Colorado,

Connecticut, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri,

Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode

Island, Tennessee, Texas, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming) have laws in place to protect

anyone from domestic violence, regardless of biological sex, sexual orientation, or gender identity. Only six states

(Delaware, Louisiana, Montana, New York, South Carolina, and Virginia) specifically exclude victims of same-sex

domestic violence from obtaining a civil protection order (see below) or filing domestic violence charges against a partner.

Nevertheless, no matter where you live, you can take steps to protect yourself.

1. If your life is in danger call the police.

2. Talk to a friend or relative about what has been going on and how you are feeling.

3. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) . Trained counselors will listen to you

and can refer you to a local service provider.

4. If possible, find a local organization that serves the GLBT community specifically on matters of domestic violence.

5. Get a civil protection order (a restraining order that specifically targets domestic violence). Both

GLBT-affiliated and non-GLBT-affiliated organizations can provide you with information on how to obtain a civil

protection order, which is often your most powerful tool against the attacker.

Remember, it is not your fault! You are not to blame for your partner’s irresponsible and violent behavior; only your partner

is to blame. You are a survivor, and you have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. You have every right to a

relationship with someone who will respect you and treat you fairly.

* Information provided by Youth Source: Advocates for Youth